There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
