I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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