FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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