I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
