it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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