she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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