there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
