i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
