Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
