Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
