eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
