I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
