Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You ruined the universe
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
