You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
