he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
