I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
