hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
