i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
