I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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