maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
