Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
