Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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