i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There are leaves in my underwear?
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