i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
