Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
