yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
