i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
