Jerry, you need to find god
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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