I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She made me pour olive oil on her.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
