how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
