I'm going to jail i love you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
