My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i will never coherently bang her
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
