Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
