i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
