I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
