I'm really into asian looking animals
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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