these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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