There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
