I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize