I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sext me about skeletons
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
