Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
