you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
