you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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