Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
