it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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