There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
