I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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