I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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