Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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