nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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