I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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