State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
