**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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