you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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