i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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