Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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