I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There was a lot of him and a little penis
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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