I CAN MOONWALK!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I look better un-naked...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
