You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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