I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize