i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
