Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
