on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Even my vagina gasped.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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