think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
