i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
