i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
