The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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