Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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