ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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