i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
