Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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