We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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