I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
