Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
