wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
